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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
arty
post Posted: Jun 28 2016, 10:49 AM
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The Future of Europe after Brexit

After the successful transition to independence and prosperity (yeah, right! biggrin.gif ) Brexit will inspire -
  • Sexit,
  • Grexit,
  • Departugal,
  • Italeave,
  • Fruckoff,
  • Czechout,
  • Outstria,
  • Finish,
  • Slovlong,
  • Latervia,
  • Byebyegium,
  • Neverland.
Soon, Germonly and Remania will be the only Europeans left.




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I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

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mullokintyre
post Posted: Jun 22 2016, 05:42 PM
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A dog lover, whose female dog came "in heat," was concerned about
> keeping her male separate. But she had a large house and she believed
> that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting
> off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed
> downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage,
> as frequently happens when dogs mate.
> Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and
> although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered
> in a very grumpy voice.
> After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the
> phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back
> and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and
> he will be able to withdraw."
> "Do you think that will work?" she asked.
> "Just worked for me," he said




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sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.

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arty
post Posted: Jun 9 2016, 07:32 PM
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Cultural news, for a welcome change.

Attached File  D1.png ( 226.71K ) Number of downloads: 0


After a two year loan to the United States,

Michelangelo's David is being returned to Italy.

Attached File  D2.png ( 176.63K ) Number of downloads: 0


Proudly Sponsored by ...


Attached File  D3.png ( 62.43K ) Number of downloads: 0





--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

Said 'Thanks' for this post: early birds  nipper  mme  grevillia  
 
balance
post Posted: May 28 2016, 07:58 AM
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It's been around for a while, but it cracked me up. Pizza prank call



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Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.

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surfer
post Posted: May 15 2016, 12:01 PM
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Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"


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surfer
post Posted: May 15 2016, 11:53 AM
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One day during the family lunch the youngest son Paul asks his father:
- Daddy, what is the difference between potential and reality?

Daddy turns to his wife and gives her a question:
- Would you sleep with George Clooney for 1 million $?
- Certainly, I would never waste such opportunity, - tells the wife

Daddy turns to his teenage daughter:
- Maria, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million $?
- Surely! He is my fantasy, his posters are all over the walls of my room.

Daddy turns to his eldest son Raul and asks:
- Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million $!
Eldest son thinks a little and replies:
- Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money. So yes, I would sleep.

Then daddy turns back to his youngest son Paul and explains him:
- You see, Paul, potentially we are sitting with multi millionaires but in reality we are sitting with two prostitutes and one gay

 


surfer
post Posted: May 11 2016, 06:04 PM
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For several years, a man had been having an affair with an Italian woman. One night she confided to him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly have the child.
Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would provide child support until the child turned 18 .
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back when the child was born.
He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin. One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "You received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted!!!!
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce


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arty
post Posted: May 7 2016, 06:26 PM
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Butch the Rooster

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.

(If you don’t vote, you're chicken …… no yoke! )




--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

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nipper
post Posted: May 3 2016, 12:35 PM
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this caught my eye
QUOTE
If Trump does win, it may be the first time a white billionaire moves into public housing that has been vacated by a black family




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"Every long-term security is nothing more than a claim on some expected future stream of cash that will be delivered into the hands of investors over time. For a given stream of expected future cash payments, the higher the price investors pay today for that stream of cash, the lower the long-term return they will achieve on their investment over time."
- Dr John Hussman

“If I had even the slightest grasp upon my own faculties, I would not make essays, I would make decisions.” ― Michel de Montaigne

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nipper
post Posted: Apr 28 2016, 04:04 PM
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In Reply To: arty's post @ Apr 28 2016, 03:36 PM

I spent time in Brasil in 1980; when in the South, fair-skinned people were noticeable, as much by physique (usually taller) as by hair colour.

And I remember on a boat heading to Manaus from Belem, IE a long way from the "heartland", had the following conversation:

Grizzled old-timer (possible garimpeiro) : "Vai para Manaus?"
Me : "Sim"
GO-T : "De onde vem?"
Me : "Australia"
G.O-T : "Sao Paulo?"

Translation / context being
Going to Manaus?
Yes
(..the boat was so we all were)
Where do you come from?
Australia
Sao Paulo? ... the idea of the South, in Brazilian Portuguese being Austral.

.... and meeting an Australian would be well outside his experience !!

PS Carnival in Bahia (and
also had one in Trinidad W.I.) much better than Rio's. As for Oktoberfest!!




--------------------
"Every long-term security is nothing more than a claim on some expected future stream of cash that will be delivered into the hands of investors over time. For a given stream of expected future cash payments, the higher the price investors pay today for that stream of cash, the lower the long-term return they will achieve on their investment over time."
- Dr John Hussman

“If I had even the slightest grasp upon my own faculties, I would not make essays, I would make decisions.” ― Michel de Montaigne
 
 


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