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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
mullokintyre
post Posted: Sep 19 2014, 06:38 AM
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According to my Doctor,tToday is Peristalsis day.
But then who really gives a shit??

Mick




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sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.
 
surfer
post Posted: Sep 15 2014, 08:00 AM
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A young ventriloquist is touring Essex and, one night, he's doing a
show in Romford. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through
his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and
starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What
makes you think you can stereotype Essex blonde women that way? What
does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human
being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected
at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as
people Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are
dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general pathetically all in the name
of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."



Said 'Thanks' for this post: crooky  alonso  
 
balance
post Posted: Aug 29 2014, 01:06 PM
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American slab of beer

100 bucks for 99 beers. I need a bigger car."Peacemaker" I laughed.



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.
 
crooky
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 10:01 PM
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In Reply To: balance's post @ Aug 28 2014, 09:50 PM

Truck monkey a classic , what a crack up. thanks



 
balance
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 09:50 PM
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These have been around for a few years now but still make me smile. Trunk Monkey compilation.



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: crooky  
 
mullokintyre
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 04:27 PM
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Make sure you have the sound on before watching Murphys Recovery Service.
Its Only 24 seconds.

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/KBxS...m8U?rel=0


Mick



--------------------
sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.
 


crooky
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 07:41 AM
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Catholic Hairdryer

In parochial school, students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advise that using a bit of imagination is OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.


A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'



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arty
post Posted: Aug 27 2014, 06:48 PM
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Health Information
  • Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
  • Do you suffer from shyness?
  • Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, ask your doctor, pharmacist, or liquor store about Cabernet Sauvignon.

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind becoming pregnant and nursing are encouraged to try it.


Side effects

Side effects may include:
  • Dizziness,
  • nausea,
  • vomiting,
  • incarceration,
  • loss of motor control,
  • loss of motor vehicle control,
  • loss of motor vehicle license,
  • loss of clothing,
  • loss of money,
  • loss of virginity,
  • delusion of grandeur,
  • delusion of adequacy,
  • table dancing,
  • headache,
  • dehydration,
  • dry mouth,
  • a desire to sing Karaoke and
  • a desire to play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:
  • consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
  • consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your boss what you really think of him.
  • consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
  • consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
Now just imagine what you could achieve with a good Shiraz ...




--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

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arty
post Posted: Aug 22 2014, 09:33 PM
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The World's Greatest "Lost Pet" poster:

Attached File  GuineaPig.jpg ( 80.18K ) Number of downloads: 29




--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)
 
nipper
post Posted: Aug 22 2014, 03:42 PM
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In Reply To: wren's post @ Aug 22 2014, 03:11 PM

thanks Wren , you may be right. Definitely Dennis Norden and Frank Muir were the leading lights, the mainstays of the program (calling them comperes does no justice)

I remember (no Google here) there were guests and there was a segment when a saying, some aphorism or quote, was given to the teams, at the beginning, and they had the show's duration to come up with a witty story - I think that was the squaw/ hippopotamus genesis.

Another one I remember was about the eskimos not being able to "have their kayak and heat it too", the almost excruciating punchline to an elaborate concoction - as henrietta said: very funny in a gentle way




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"Every long-term security is nothing more than a claim on some expected future stream of cash that will be delivered into the hands of investors over time. For a given stream of expected future cash payments, the higher the price investors pay today for that stream of cash, the lower the long-term return they will achieve on their investment over time."
- Dr John Hussman

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