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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
surfer
post Posted: Mar 15 2015, 12:01 PM
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A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears and IIII'm bbbbloody tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp mmme?"
The doctor says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."
So he examines him and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is."
The guy says, "Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc?"
The doctor says, "Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords."
The guy says, "Wwwat cccan we ddo?"
The doctor advises, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."
The guy says, "Dddeal......Dddo it!"
The guy has the operation and six weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don’t stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife's not happy and doesn’t want it anymore. She liked it when I had a penis a foot long. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on"
The doctor says, "Ppppiss ooooff. A ddddeal's a dddeal."


Said 'Thanks' for this post: grevillia  
 
surfer
post Posted: Mar 8 2015, 01:36 PM
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How to change a light bulb.




http://www.youtube.com/embed/f1BgzIZRfT8?feature=player_embedded





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surfer
post Posted: Mar 8 2015, 01:35 PM
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They say the beer adverts are the best, others favour car or insurance commercials. Don't make up your mind until you watch this one!!!

Very creative and a high rate of difficulty......well done.......

I wonder how many ‘takes’ it took?

http://www.youtube.com/embed/AA56LgpFbSw?rel=0




 
flower
post Posted: Mar 5 2015, 03:12 PM
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THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS ABEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID.. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR AND BEGAN TALKING.

WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID..........


"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!"







--------------------
Combining Fundamental comments with Fundamental charts.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: balance  grevillia  
 
surfer
post Posted: Feb 20 2015, 09:49 AM
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If you haven't read the book.. 50 Shades of Grey, you can still get a chuckle from this poem. For any that do not know....
a "zimmer" is the British term for a senior's walker....Zimmer is the manufacturer's name.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.


Said 'Thanks' for this post: balance  mrbear  
 
surfer
post Posted: Feb 19 2015, 08:40 AM
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A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3-year-old grandson

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."



Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."



At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just
calmly kept saying things would be okay William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."



"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. This little bastard's name is Kevin."





Said 'Thanks' for this post: nipper  mullokintyre  mrbear  
 


mercury
post Posted: Feb 18 2015, 08:36 AM
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In Reply To: balance's post @ Jan 26 2015, 08:24 AM

Just looking back on a few laughs and had to do some research on that one Balance. Very good.

 
arty
post Posted: Feb 17 2015, 07:18 PM
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In Reply To: henrietta's post @ Feb 17 2015, 06:21 PM

sounds like a statement from a Greens' manifesto devilsmiley.gif



--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)
 
henrietta
post Posted: Feb 17 2015, 06:21 PM
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Profound statement from elsewhere.

QUOTE
Who cares about profit being in the red?


Cheers
J

 
chukk
post Posted: Feb 16 2015, 10:35 AM
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In Reply To: surfer's post @ Feb 16 2015, 09:01 AM

Thanks Surfer. Incredible stuff. Amazing how so many of the pedestrians appear to have a death wish, just walking out in front of the traffic.

When I clicked on the link it didn't work, but a cut and paste got me there.

Regards


 
 


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