Logo
Registered Members Login:
   
Forgotten Your Details? Click Here To Recover +
Welcome to ShareScene - Talk Shares And Take Stock With Australia's Sharemarket Community - New Here? Click To Register >

731 Pages (Click to Jump) V   1 2 3 4 > »    
 
  
Reply to this topic

A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
surfer
post Posted: Jul 25 2014, 05:29 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 457
Thanks: 115





A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another.

The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, "How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?"

The man says, "Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I'm gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me to go home."




 
balance
post Posted: Jul 12 2014, 10:55 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 5,097
Thanks: 351


There maybe some truth in this one. devilsmiley.gif



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.
 
CurtisT
post Posted: Jul 4 2014, 03:08 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 1


In Reply To: arty's post @ Jul 1 2014, 12:10 PM

and for dentists its drill, fill and bill






 
arty
post Posted: Jul 1 2014, 12:10 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 11,996
Thanks: 2869


In Reply To: birnam's post @ Jul 1 2014, 11:51 AM

... and for Project Engineers it's "When in trouble or in doubt, Run in circles, Scream and Shout!"



--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)
 
birnam
post Posted: Jul 1 2014, 11:51 AM
  Quote Post


Posts: 84
Thanks: 6


In Reply To: arty's post @ Jun 30 2014, 01:08 PM

Good one arty. Another one for engineers is "If in doubt give it a clout. The bigger the doubt the bigger the clout".

 
arty
post Posted: Jun 30 2014, 01:08 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 11,996
Thanks: 2869


one for Engineers:
Attached File(s)
Attached File  Engineering.jpg ( 223.45K ) Number of downloads: 18

 




--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

Said 'Thanks' for this post: birnam  
 


surfer
post Posted: Jun 24 2014, 11:52 AM
  Quote Post


Posts: 457
Thanks: 115


<H2 style="Z-INDEX: auto; BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(200,200,200) 1px solid; POSITION: static; TEXT-ALIGN: left; PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: rgb(250,250,250); MARGIN: 0px 0px 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; COLOR: rgb(51,51,51); FONT-SIZE: 14px; PADDING-TOP: 10px" class="posttitle icon">The Priest</H2>

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered,
''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Grandfather has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said.
'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while,
then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom,
and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."



Said 'Thanks' for this post: arty  
 
nipper
post Posted: Jun 22 2014, 12:12 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 1,343
Thanks: 504


I appreciate the information given on these new 1300 number medical helplines though wonder if, while they can't offer the services of a professional, there isn't room for more content. Why, only the other day I phoned up and the message was:

"Incontinence Hotline; please hold."



--------------------
"Cause they told me everybody's got to pay their dues
And I explained that I had overpaid them"
- Rodriguez

"What a deplorable existence I lead in this absurd climate and under what frightful conditions! How boring! How stupid life is! What am I doing here?"
- Rimbaud 1884 (Aden)
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 15 2014, 01:40 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 457
Thanks: 115







Said 'Thanks' for this post: TerryA  
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 15 2014, 01:38 PM
  Quote Post


Posts: 457
Thanks: 115


<H2 style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(200,200,200) 1px solid; TEXT-ALIGN: left; PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: rgb(250,250,250); MARGIN: 0px 0px 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; COLOR: rgb(51,51,51); FONT-SIZE: 14px; PADDING-TOP: 10px" class="posttitle icon"> Pastor of Note</H2>
A Texas pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has
spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie
and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and
do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand
and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is
a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will
feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then,
slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway
train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as
she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple
of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation
roared.

Life is Short; Smile while you still have Teeth. Give me an Amen brother



Said 'Thanks' for this post: grevillia  
 
 


731 Pages (Click to Jump) V   1 2 3 4 > » 

Back To Top Of Page
Reply to this topic


You agree through the use of ShareScene.com, that you understand and accept the TERMS OF USE.


TERMS OF USE  -  CONTACT ADMIN  -  ADVERTISING