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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
balance
post Posted: Jul 12 2014, 10:55 PM
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There maybe some truth in this one. devilsmiley.gif



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.
 
CurtisT
post Posted: Jul 4 2014, 03:08 PM
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In Reply To: arty's post @ Jul 1 2014, 12:10 PM

and for dentists its drill, fill and bill






 
arty
post Posted: Jul 1 2014, 12:10 PM
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In Reply To: birnam's post @ Jul 1 2014, 11:51 AM

... and for Project Engineers it's "When in trouble or in doubt, Run in circles, Scream and Shout!"



--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)
 
birnam
post Posted: Jul 1 2014, 11:51 AM
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In Reply To: arty's post @ Jun 30 2014, 01:08 PM

Good one arty. Another one for engineers is "If in doubt give it a clout. The bigger the doubt the bigger the clout".

 
arty
post Posted: Jun 30 2014, 01:08 PM
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one for Engineers:
Attached File(s)
Attached File  Engineering.jpg ( 223.45K ) Number of downloads: 16

 




--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

Said 'Thanks' for this post: birnam  
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 24 2014, 11:52 AM
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<H2 style="Z-INDEX: auto; BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(200,200,200) 1px solid; POSITION: static; TEXT-ALIGN: left; PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: rgb(250,250,250); MARGIN: 0px 0px 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; COLOR: rgb(51,51,51); FONT-SIZE: 14px; PADDING-TOP: 10px" class="posttitle icon">The Priest</H2>

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered,
''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Grandfather has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said.
'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while,
then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom,
and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."



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nipper
post Posted: Jun 22 2014, 12:12 PM
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I appreciate the information given on these new 1300 number medical helplines though wonder if, while they can't offer the services of a professional, there isn't room for more content. Why, only the other day I phoned up and the message was:

"Incontinence Hotline; please hold."



--------------------
"Cause they told me everybody's got to pay their dues
And I explained that I had overpaid them"
- Rodriguez

"What a deplorable existence I lead in this absurd climate and under what frightful conditions! How boring! How stupid life is! What am I doing here?"
- Rimbaud 1884 (Aden)
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 15 2014, 01:40 PM
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Posts: 456
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Said 'Thanks' for this post: TerryA  
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 15 2014, 01:38 PM
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Posts: 456
Thanks: 115


<H2 style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(200,200,200) 1px solid; TEXT-ALIGN: left; PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: rgb(250,250,250); MARGIN: 0px 0px 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; COLOR: rgb(51,51,51); FONT-SIZE: 14px; PADDING-TOP: 10px" class="posttitle icon"> Pastor of Note</H2>
A Texas pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has
spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie
and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and
do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand
and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is
a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will
feel glory.
Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet. Then,
slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway
train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as
she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple
of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation
roared.

Life is Short; Smile while you still have Teeth. Give me an Amen brother



Said 'Thanks' for this post: grevillia  
 
surfer
post Posted: Jun 15 2014, 01:36 PM
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Posts: 456
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<H2 style="BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(200,200,200) 1px solid; TEXT-ALIGN: left; PADDING-BOTTOM: 5px; BACKGROUND-COLOR: rgb(250,250,250); MARGIN: 0px 0px 5px; PADDING-LEFT: 10px; PADDING-RIGHT: 10px; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma, Calibri, Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; COLOR: rgb(51,51,51); FONT-SIZE: 14px; PADDING-TOP: 10px" class="posttitle icon"> laudable quotes</H2>
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind -

every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ John Glenn

*****

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said
' Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

~ Desmond Tutu

*****

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that
professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ David Letterman

*****

en are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

~ Betsy Salkind

*****

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

*****

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

~ Jeff Foxworthy

*****

Having more money doesn't make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

*****
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Johnny Carson

*****

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ Jimmy Durante

*****

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ Doug Hamwell

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

~ Robert Benchley
It is undesirable to believe a proposition when there is no ground whatsoever for supposing it is true.
Bertrand Russell


Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Henry David Thoreau


If a man speaks his mind in a forest and no woman can hear him is he still wrong?
Unknown


 
 


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