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A little Friday humour, OR any day you want to share a laugh
arty
post Posted: Oct 23 2014, 07:52 PM
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Posts: 12,208
Thanks: 2950



Sunbathing Nude On The Hotel Rooftop

A rather well built woman, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation time sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. The first day she sunbathed, she wore a red bathing suit. However on the second day, she felt a little more adventurous. She slipped out of it in order to get an overall tan, figuring that no one could see her way up there. She'd hardly began when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said a flustered little (out of breath) assistant manager of the hotel. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday!"

"What difference does it make", Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here on the roof and besides, I'm covered with a towel."

"With all due respect, not exactly ma'am," said the embarrassed little man.

"You are lying on the dining room skylight."





--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

Said 'Thanks' for this post: grevillia  
 
arty
post Posted: Oct 22 2014, 02:33 PM
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Posts: 12,208
Thanks: 2950


Australian Computer Terminology

Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!!


LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.

LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

WINDOWS: What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE: What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP: A pub snack.

MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

MODEM: What you did to dem lawns.

LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE: Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives and forks from K-Mart.

MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.

YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK:What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.


NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net.

ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.





--------------------
I trade daily, but I am not a licensed adviser. Whether you find my ideas reasonable or not: The only person responsible for your actions is YOU.
I follow two rules: (1) There are no sacred truths. All assumptions must be critically examined. Arguments from authority are worthless. (2) Whatever is inconsistent with observed facts must be discarded or revised. We must understand the Market as it is and not confuse how it is with how we wish it to be. (inspired by Carl Sagan)

Said 'Thanks' for this post: grevillia  alonso  
 
balance
post Posted: Oct 6 2014, 07:39 PM
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Posts: 5,141
Thanks: 365


Meanwhile on Mars...

I wish I had thought of this



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: crooky  
 
balance
post Posted: Sep 29 2014, 08:12 AM
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Posts: 5,141
Thanks: 365


Be kind to your pets. Karma is a bitch.



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.
 
mullokintyre
post Posted: Sep 19 2014, 06:38 AM
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Posts: 1,108
Thanks: 294


According to my Doctor,tToday is Peristalsis day.
But then who really gives a shit??

Mick




--------------------
sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.
 
surfer
post Posted: Sep 15 2014, 08:00 AM
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Posts: 462
Thanks: 119


A young ventriloquist is touring Essex and, one night, he's doing a
show in Romford. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through
his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and
starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What
makes you think you can stereotype Essex blonde women that way? What
does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human
being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected
at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as
people Its people like you that make others think that all Blondes are
dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against
not only blondes, but women in general pathetically all in the name
of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells:

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap."



Said 'Thanks' for this post: crooky  alonso  
 


balance
post Posted: Aug 29 2014, 01:06 PM
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Posts: 5,141
Thanks: 365


American slab of beer

100 bucks for 99 beers. I need a bigger car."Peacemaker" I laughed.



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.
 
crooky
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 10:01 PM
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Posts: 1,523
Thanks: 117


In Reply To: balance's post @ Aug 28 2014, 09:50 PM

Truck monkey a classic , what a crack up. thanks



 
balance
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 09:50 PM
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Posts: 5,141
Thanks: 365


These have been around for a few years now but still make me smile. Trunk Monkey compilation.



--------------------
Day Trader: Lowest form of life in the known universe.
Shorter: Can limbo under a day trader.
Investor: Salt of the Earth.Sits to the right of God (Warren Buffet)
Share prices are only ever manipulated down.
Paper losses are not really losses.
Chat site posters always know better & know more than anyone about anything.
I'm 29.
The cheque is in the mail.

Said 'Thanks' for this post: crooky  
 
mullokintyre
post Posted: Aug 28 2014, 04:27 PM
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Posts: 1,108
Thanks: 294


Make sure you have the sound on before watching Murphys Recovery Service.
Its Only 24 seconds.

https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/KBxS...m8U?rel=0


Mick



--------------------
sent from my Olivetti Typewriter.
 
 


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